How to STOP Negative Self Talk!


I found this article and sent it to my clients.  I LOVE this article, I hope you enjoy xoxo

How to Stop Negative Self-Talk

If there is anything that can keep you from being productive and partaking in the abundance that life has to offer, it’s negative self talk. This is the type of talk, and thoughts, that create or reinforce existing sub-conscious beliefs that will keep you from what you desire. If you want to enjoy life the way you should, you’ll need to learn how to stop negative self-talk for good.

Do You Suffer From Negative Self-Talk?

If you have a tendency to believe that a tough situation is worse than what it is, it’s negative self-talk. If you’re wondering why you’re not enjoying the journey of your life, it’s negative self-talk. And if you find yourself more often in a state of unhappiness than happiness, it could very well be because of chronic negative self-talk.

Negative self-talk comes from relating your current situation with some past experience. If you’ve tried to succeed at something and haven’t been able to shake off past failures, or have been afraid of being unable to match the previous levels of success you’ve achieved, you’ve got to change your thought process.

Self-Awareness is the First Step

The good news is, if you can recognize your negative self-talk for what it really is—nothing more than unnecessary baggage from your past that you carry into the present by way of your own thinking—then you can choose to gradually shift your way of thinking to create thoughts, words, and beliefs that will make you feel better and put you in a better position to achieve success.

The thing to understand about negative self-talk is that it reflects your internalized negative feelings about yourself rather than the truth. In other words, just because you feel it doesn’t make it true.

Your subconscious mind does not distinguish between true or false. It doesn’t not make judgments or have the ability to have an opinion. It simply takes what is believed to be true– in the case of self-talk this would be doubt and fear—and it makes it feel real. In turn, this “truth” is compounded and reinforced and solidifies your belief and you will receive a negative result.

How to Stop Negative Self-Talk

Fortunately, you can prevent yourself from getting caught up in this negative self-talk. It helps that in the morning you allow your first thoughts to be positive and if a negative thought slips in that you recognize it before it snowballs out of control. That one negative thought can take an otherwise promising day and blow it to pieces.

It’s normal to have negative thoughts every now and but once you realize what’s going on, focus on positive thoughts to drown out the negative. Eventually, your mood will follow and you’ll be able to get back on track.

Researchers say we have more than 60,000 thoughts per day so being present to monitor these thoughts is a daunting task. So rather than trying to master your thoughts try this simple practice: view your feelings as an emotional warning system. When you’re feeling good you must be having good thoughts, and when you’re feeling bad you must be having bad thoughts. Simple.

So when you’re feeling lousy, ask yourself what bad feelings am I having? At that point you can change your thoughts. And when you change your thoughts, you change the way you feel, and only then can you change your life experience.

The bottom line is this: the power of your thoughts and beliefs are immense. They can lift you up and take you to the highest highs or drag you down to the lowest lows. The greatest leaders and most famous entertainers and athletes exercise healthy habits of thinking that springboard them into a fulfilling and prosperous life, and so can you!


Forgive yourself and lose weight

I came across this article and wanted to share it with you all.  Enjoy xoxoxoxox Truly love yourself completely ❤


As you well know, February is the month of love! But as you’re honoring friends, partners and loved ones with hearts, cards, and roses, I’m going to urge you also to honor your most important relationship: the one you have with your own body.

And I’ll tell you the number-one thing you can do to honor that relationship, and to begin to love your body unconditionally as you create permanent, positive results…

Forgive yourself.

Yes… this might sound simple, but if you’re like so many on a weight-loss journey, you can be relentless when it comes to self-criticism and contempt for yourself and your body. When you let go of the guilt and shame about how you look or how you’ve treated your body, you enter a world of love and positivity that helps you create the healthy body you want and deserve.

A self-forgiving state of mind helps you more easily release negative judgments of yourself. You’re then less likely to act on those feelings by hurting yourself and your body. You’ll naturally want to take better care of your body. You see, when you learn to love yourself unconditionally and forgive yourself more readily, you’re likely to eat healthier foods, give your body the movement it needs, and talk to yourself with greater compassion.

On the other hand, when your body is filled with the poisonous energies of self-contempt (and I know you have experienced times like this), you’re more likely to turn to food for comfort or self-punishment. The negative feelings can quickly lead to a very old and familiar sense of being out of control or a victim.

As you begin to develop the habit of self-forgiveness you will notice significant changes in your physical health and in your ability to no longer rely on food for comfort. And when you feel that love for yourself and your body, you might, for example, be less likely to skip Zumba class in order to head right home after work and watch TV.

So, how do you forgive yourself?

It takes patience and persistence. Here are three heart-based exercises to help you open to the healing power of self-forgiveness, love yourself more and bring peace to your mind.

1. Be Willing to Forgive Yourself

Self-forgiveness starts with a willingness to release guilt, shame and self-hatred. Open the space for this healing energy to enter your mind and body by setting the intention to do so.

Simply say to yourself right now: “I want to forgive myself.”

Additionally, write these words down on paper several times:

“I want to forgive myself. I want to love myself fully and treat myself with loving kindness.”

This may seem like a very simple process. It is. Don’t equate simple with ineffective. A sincere and deliberate intention to stop berating yourself, and to forgive yourself when you do, helps you take charge of your life, feel less like a victim, and stop the cycle of emotional eating.

2. Wrap Negative Thoughts in Love

We all fall into old patterns. So the next time you slip back into less than healthy eating or exercise habits and berate yourself with unkind words, turn to your heart for comfort.

For example, instead of dwelling on those negative thoughts and feelings, remind yourself you can stop. Take a deep breath. Then, focus your attention on your heart and at the same time think of a beautiful memory or someone you love. I learned this exercise from the Institute of HeartMath and it helps you feel calm very quickly. Then, say this affirmation to yourself or out loud while keeping your attention on your heart:

“I release these thoughts and feelings (or shame and guilt, etc.) into the arms of Love and I open to loving and forgiving myself.”

Directing your attention to your heart infuses your words with calming, heart-based energy. It is as if you are wrapping your self-contempt in a blanket of love.

3. Connect to Your Heart, Literally

Become quiet. Place your hand on your heart. Feel your heart beat. Now, while keeping your hand on your heart, say to yourself:

“I totally and completely love and accept myself with all my problems and all my limitations.”

Feel into this process. Repeat several times daily.

This exercise helps you connect with the loving energy of your heart. Your heart doesn’t judge you for overeating or for talking harshly to yourself. It simply keeps beating on. Feel that beautiful, consistent heartbeat and know that you are loved by the pure energy within it.

Practice the above steps faithfully and you’ll begin to create a lightness of spirit within you.

Be patient and have faith. Over time you’ll notice that the love you give to yourself on the inside will be reflected in the ways you care for yourself and look and feel on the outsid

Read more: Forgive Yourself and Lose Weight

Stop mindless eating!

Let Go of the Trigger

Okay, go grab a notebook or use an online journal.  It’s time to start getting real about your emotional eating. Sure, it can be a vicious cycle if you allow it to progress, but I’m going to show you a quick little trick to help you understand your behaviors and break the destructive pattern. Let’s go.

Below are two questions. For a week, before you eat anything, whether it’s dinner or a small snack, I want you to answer these two questions in your journal. Sound easy? Well, you might be surprised. By doing this, you’ll be able to quickly tell if you’ve got real hunger or if your emotions are what’s causing you to reach for a bunch of junk you know you don’t need — or even really want.

Are you hungry?

Are you experiencing any physiological conditions that are signalling to you that you are hungry? Is your stomach growling? Do you feel weak or tired? Has it been longer than three or four hours since you last ate? If you concentrate on answering these questions, it will be very easy to determine whether you are genuinely, physically hungry or whether you are eating for a different reason. If you’ve determined that you are hungry, then it’s time to eat. If not, it’s time for the next question.

Are you depressed or anxious?

Did you just get into a fight? Are you anxious about a work-related deadline? Whatever it might be, write down what you’re feeling and why you think you’re feeling it. Getting in touch with your emotions here is critical. If you can’t, you’re going to have an incredibly difficult time reaching your weight loss goals. Dig deep, and get it in writing.

How People Pleasing Fuels Overeating

Co-dependence is defined in many ways. A common definition is being overly focused on other people in a way that inhibits the quality of your life and your relationships (sound familiar, over-eaters?). Another way to think of codependency is People Pleasing: Saying yes to others without consideration of your own wants and needs.

The concept originated when mental health workers observed the partners of alcoholics and the ways in which they sacrificed their own health, happiness, and well-being because of someone else’s disease.

What’s the four patterns of co-dependency?  They are denial, low self-esteem, compliance, and control. Truthfully, we all have a bit of “codependency” patterns in some way or another. However, I’m going to explain how each of these patterns relate to overeating.

People Pleasing – Denial Patterns:

    • I have difficulty identifying what I am feeling.
    • I minimize, alter or deny how I truly feel.
    • I perceive myself as completely unselfish and dedicated to the well being of others.

When you are disconnected from your feelings for too long, any feeling starts to be intolerable. Since food numbs feelings, a pattern of denial can contribute to overeating by insuring that you’ll be distanced from your true feelings. Food stops you from feeling and keeps you in a denial pattern.

People Pleasing – Low Self Esteem Patterns:

    • I have difficulty making decisions.
    • I judge everything I think, say or do harshly, as never “good enough.”
    • I am embarrassed to receive recognition and praise or gifts.
    • I do not ask others to meet my needs or desires.
    • I value others’ approval of my thinking, feelings and behavior over my own.
    • I do not perceive myself as a lovable or worthwhile person.

When your true needs are not being met, food can feel like a quick-fix way to fill yourself up. Overeating in this way defers having to develop the skills to treat yourself as worthy and lovable, and to trust that you can ask for what you want. In this case, food stops you from sticking up for yourself, and keeps you in a low self-esteem pattern.

People Pleasing – Compliance Patterns:

    • I compromise my own values and integrity to avoid rejection or others’ anger.
    • I am very sensitive to how others are feeling and feel the same.
    • I am extremely loyal, remaining in harmful situations too long.
    • I value others’ opinions and feelings more than my own and am afraid to express differing opinions and feelings of my own.
    • I put aside my own interests and hobbies in order to do what others want.
    • I accept sex when I want love.

Overeating is often a consolation prize for not getting the things you truly want in life. If a genie came out of a bottle offering a wish, would you pick a brownie or true love? A cookie or a fulfilling career? A piece of pizza or peace of mind? The answer is clear. Every time you choose food instead of creating a life you love, you’re confirming that you’re not important; therefore food keeps a compliance pattern going.

People Pleasing – Control Patterns:

    • I believe most other people are incapable of taking care of themselves.
    • I attempt to convince others of what they “should” think and how they “truly” feel.
    • I become resentful when others will not let me help them.
    • I freely offer others advice and directions without being asked.
    • I lavish gifts and favors on those I care about.
    • I use sex to gain approval and acceptance.
    • I have to be “needed” in order to have a relationship with others.

You are worthy of love. Period. You don’t have to do anything to get love. You don’t have to make yourself indispensable. You just have to be. This simple realization can stop you from busying yourself with everyone else’s needs. And when you do, you might have the time to avoid overeating by eating well and exercising.

Here are three simple ways, then, to start breaking the people pleasing pattern and the overeating it can cause:

1. Use “I” statements. It can be so difficult to own our own feelings. “I feel lonely” instead of “you never spend time with me during football season.”

2. Practice making simple requests. “Can I have a kiss during the commercial break?” instead of “Be more affectionate.”

3. Do a Temperature Check. Check in with yourself. Stop to see how you’re feeling in both body, and mind. Use that temperature check to help you use “I” statements and make simple requests (or simply to get some rest when you need it).

Feelings, your feelings, are important guideposts. If you shut the door on them, whether by being overly focused on others, or by overeating, your compass gets stuck.

Why do we eat our feelings?

My Nan died in July.  My Aunt died in January.  2013 hasn’t been a good one, emotionally.
I will come forward and say this:  I’ve gained weight due to emotionally eating.  I turned to food to cope with the pain I felt.  Late nights were horrible; those moments I was by myself.  The fridge and the pantry were my comfort, some days they still are.

From May 2011 to May 2012 I lost 100lbs.  Yup! 100lbs in one year.  It’s now October 2013.  I refuse to get on a scale to see where I’m at.  I’d probably guess I’m up 20-30lbs.  But why am I so upset by it?  I should still be proud of myself, right?  I feel that when I see someone I haven’t seen in a while, I’m obligated to tell them a long story WHY I’m larger than when they lost saw me.  WHY?? WHY OH WHY!!  It;s none of their business.  Even writing this entry feels like I’m trying to give you an explanation why I’m heavier then I was May 2012.

So many factors come in to play when someone loses a drastic amount of weight and regains some.  I really don’t think I have to sit here and explain to you all the different reasons why I’ve gained some weight back.  Sure, for my height I’m still extremely overweight.  But I’m sure healthier than I was at 272lbs, right?  But instead of ENJOYING my life, I constantly worry about what others think of me and I constantly worry about every thing I eat.  This has to be stopped. I will not feel badly anymore.  I go to the gym, I eat healthy choices.. but right now I need to focus on being HAPPY and healthy.  I have so much to be happy about, but I get in these ruts where I’m so down on myself (believe it or not) and I turn to food…

Most emotional eaters tend to feel powerless over their food cravings. When the urge to eat hits, it’s all they can think about. You feel an almost unbearable tension that demands to be fed, right now! Because you’ve tried to resist in the past and failed, you believe that your willpower just isn’t up to snuff. But the truth is that you have more power over your cravings than you think.

Why is it that we turn to food for comfort, stress relief, or as a reward? Unfortunately for us, emotional eating doesn’t fix emotional problems. It usually makes us feel worse. After we over indulge, not only does the original issue still remain, but we feel guilty for overeating.  What we need to do is recognize our emotional eating triggers.  It will be our first step to breaking free from food cravings and compulsive eating.  We need to change the habits that sabotaged our diets in the past.

Emotional hunger can’t be filled with food. Eating may feel good in the moment, but the feelings that triggered the eating are still there. And you often feel worse than you did before because of the unnecessary calories you consumed. You beat yourself up for messing up and not having more willpower. Compounding the problem, you stop learning healthier ways to deal with your emotions, you have a harder and harder time controlling your weight, and you feel increasingly powerless over both food and your feelings.

It’s a constant battle.  It will be a constant battle if you don’t recognize the problem.  I’m trying find other ways to cope.. you can too.  I’m going to ask a few questions.. if you answer yes to any of these questions, you’re probably an emotional eater.  Hey, it’s okay.  Now we just have to work on it.  We can do this – we’re in this together.

  • Do you eat more when you’re feeling stressed?
  • Do you eat when you’re not hungry or when you’re full?
  • Do you eat to feel better (to calm and soothe yourself when you’re sad, mad, bored, anxious, etc.)?
  • Do you reward yourself with food?
  • Do you regularly eat until you’ve stuffed yourself?
  • Does food make you feel safe? Do you feel like food is a friend?
  • Do you feel powerless or out of control around food?

The first step in recovering from emotionally eating is admitting it to yourself when you’re in the moment.

Step away from the pantry, close the refrigerator.
Your butt and stomach will thank you later.

No need to consume those extra calories.
Call a friend, text a friend.  Go on twitter, check Facebook.

Find something to do other than eat.

All you have to do is put off eating for five minutes, or if five minutes seems unmanageable, start with one minute. Don’t tell yourself you can’t give in to the craving; remember, the forbidden is extremely tempting.  Just tell yourself to wait. While you’re waiting, check in with yourself. How are you feeling? What’s going on emotionally? Even if you end up eating, you’ll have a better understanding of why you did it. This can help you set yourself up for a different response next time

From Jillian Michaels

So you’re wondering, what is the right attitude and how can it help you lose weight? Having the right attitude is so important because thought is behavior — the power of mind is total and the way you think of yourself becomes your reality.

So you’re wondering, what’s the right attitude and how can it help you lose weight? Having the right mental state is so important because thought is behavior — your mind is your strongest tool, and the way you think of yourself manifests as your reality. We all know how easily negative thoughts about ourselves can lead to poor self-image, lack of confidence, hopelessness, and depression. You’ve heard about self-fulfilling prophecy, right? Well, if you tell yourself that you’ll always be fat or that you’ll never find happiness, chances are you will always be fat and you won’t ever be happy. But imagine what could be possible if you harnessed your mental power with positive thoughts.

A key element of changing your attitude is changing your self-talk — your internal monologue, the chattering conversation you have with yourself constantly all day long, whether you’re aware of it or not. It’s the voice in your head that says, “I can’t exercise because I’m fat and lazy” or, “I’m worthless because I have no self-control and will always be this way.” It’s this kind of useless negativity that’s holding you back, keeping you from being the best you can be. Now is the time to turn it around once and for all.

Imagine what would happen if you changed the dialogue so that it sounded more like this: “I can lose weight and be healthy” or “I’m going to eat well today, and I’ll feel good about myself as a result.” Your self-talk can make the difference between self-assurance and self-doubt, happiness and despair, success and failure. If you start making your self-talk more positive and affirming, and less defeatist and self-deprecating, your whole life will change for the better.

Now let’s take a close look at the things you say to yourself on a daily basis, identify where you’re being pointlessly, uselessly negative, and pinpoint where you can make improvements to achieve your goals.

To find out exactly what you’ve been telling yourself, answer the following questions. Write your answers down so you can look back for a reality and motivation check down the road. You may need a reminder of why your goals matter and why you deserve to achieve them.

1. Do you have a negative self-image?

Do you constantly say things like, “I’m fat and ugly,” or do you pick yourself apart and beat yourself up when you look in the mirror?

2. Do you lack self-confidence?

Do you doubt your ability to achieve your goals, weight related or otherwise? Do you dwell on your perceived limits or fears? Do you doubt your ability to accomplish the things you want to accomplish?

3. Do you feel powerless?

Do you feel like you have no control over your life, or do you make excuses like, “I’m genetically predisposed to being overweight”?

4. Do you label yourself in negative or self-deprecating ways?

Do you think and talk about your failure to lose weight as a foregone conclusion? Do you refer to yourself mockingly or otherwise as the happy/funny fat person?

Now, look back at your responses. How would you describe the tone of your answers? Are they affirming and constructive, or are they downbeat and destructive? It can be hard to let go of these negative patterns of thought and behavior; often they are the result of years of self-loathing and internalizing the negative opinions and judgments of others. Release the past, focus on the present, and open yourself up to the possibilities that await you in the future.

❤ She’s my inspiration and mentor.