To tell you the truth, I’m terrified. This is why it’s December 1st and I’m finally starting my Fit by 30. I originally started November 25th. But with different things happening, I easily got off track and back into my normal habits.
As many of you know, I’ve made a goal to be Fit By 30. Sure, I still have a goal weight in mind, but my main focus in this journey is to become physically fit.
I want to be able to run without being short of breath. I want to be able to keep up with my son when we’re outside playing. I want to go to the gym and not feel intimidated by those around me. I need tunnel vision when at the gym. I find I easily get distracted while at the gym. I’m constantly looking at other girls wishing I was their size. Why do I do that? Why am I so consumed with worry? I’m constantly worried about what others think of me when they look at me. I struggle with my own self image.
But it’s going to stop. Today was an off day with foods – not that I ate horribly, I didn’t have an appetite. So I didn’t really eat. I ate an apple and dinner. I’m heading to the gym later tonight. Will ensure I have a good post workout snack afterwards.
I’m excited for this journey though. I haven’t weighed myself. I’m unsure if I’m going to weigh myself or not. It could be that I’m simply in denial that I’ve gained A LOT of weight back. It could be that I’m quite scared to see the number on the scale knowing that I once got down to 169lbs.
But why does it matter? Seriously. I need to ask myself why it matters. I’ve come along way, I need to be happy. I need to accept that this year has been full of bumps in the road.
January I lost my Aunt to cancer.
July I lost my Nan – my best friend – to conditions still unknown.
Unfortunately, I’m still grieving the loss of my Nan. I have accepted she’s no longer here, but it doesn’t make it any easier. Since July, I’ve been trying and trying to stay on track and make good choices. But unfortunately, sometimes I truly just say to myself “fuck it”
HOWEVER…. in my heart there’s still that voice that says “Danielle, you’ve come so far, why are you giving up. Your Nan would NOT want you to give up.” So, with that, I keep going.
So, it’s December 1st. My 30th Birthday is March 28th. I’m going to do it – you watch!! I’m going to utilize this blog to keep you all updated on my progress. I’m still going to post advice, workouts and other blabbings I feel like to keep you all entertained.
The ones reading this mainly are the ones who have been supporting me along the way. Yeah, it’s been a long time coming. But 2014 is going to be my fittest year yet. No more “I’ll start tomorrow” or “I’ll get back on track next week.” All of that ends today.
It’s only me who I’m hurting. My close friends and family don’t care what size I am – they love me either way. It’s me that is unhappy with the way I look. It’s myself who wakes up each morning and looks in the mirror and disappointment immediately showers over me. I know it shouldn’t be that way… but that’s just what happens. It’s time I get back to my old self. It’s time I realize my potential once again.
My career goals are to become an actual health coach. Any one can call themselves a health coach, it’s hard work and dedication that actually makes you one. So here I go. I’m going to put forward the work that will help me become the health coach I know I can be.
I know my potential… just time to dig down deep and bring it to the surface. I want to shine!!!!
I was born to MOTIVATE! I was born to INSPIRE! I was born to LEAD!
I wasn’t born to give up. My Nan would not let me give up if she were still here, so I’m sure she’s rooting for me up in heaven. I know she’s that little voice inside my head saying “give it one more chance”