My confessions

So I just posted a very long status update on Facebook.  Pretty much feeling the need to explain my weight gain.

WHY?
Please help me understand why I still feel the need to explain everything that needs to do with weight loss/weight gain?  I feel like it’s a vicious cycle.  I hate constantly worrying about what others think of me.  Why do I even care?  I shouldn’t.  The only opinion that matters is mine.. but what if I’m my own worst enemy?  This is a problem.

Why do we struggle so much with self acceptance?  Why can we not just be happy with who we see in the mirror?  I need to learn to truly love myself.  Remember my previous entry.  We all need to explore the meaning of true self love.  It is achievable.  I know it, I’ve experienced it.  Unfortunately, due to recent challenges, my self acceptance and self love has deteriorated a little bit.

However, it shouldn’t have.  I should still instill the confidence I once had.  I should still SMILE, LAUGH, SHOUT, DANCE, DREAM exactly the way I did when I was at my lowest weight.  I’m going to work on it.

I’m going away to Punta Cana on the 17th.  I’m so excited.  Sure, I’m not going to be able to wear the bathing suit I bought in July.. but that’s okay with me.  I have my normal bathing suit, but I’m OKAY with wearing that one.  I’m going to enjoy this trip.  I’m going to go to the Dominican with a smile on my face and faith in my heart that I’m going to have an amazing time with my family.  I’m going to enjoy sitting pool side with my son.  I’m going to shut out all negativity that surrounds me.  I’m not going to worry about what others think of me in a bathing suit.  I’m going to laugh, eat, drink and be merry.  

I’ve already set a goal, and I went public with it on Facebook.  When I return (give or take a few days) I’m dedicating myself to recommitting to the strict, healthy life.  I’m going to be FIT BY 30.  March 28th 2014 I say goodbye to my 20’s..  I start a new Chapter in my life… the dreaded dirty 30..lol.  I remember how motivated and excited I was when I first embarked on my weight loss journey back in 2011. So I’m going to have that same excitement and dedication during the last half of my weight loss journey.

It’s going to be a lot of sacrifices.  I will need a lot of will power.  But I’ve done it before.  No reason I can’t do it again – I WILL do it again.

I’m ready.
Are you ready?
I’m doing it.  
Goodbye to the “fat girl” I feel like.. and hello to the wonderful, amazing, healthy, fit chick I’m going to be.

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